New Documentary Highlights Extreme Gender Imbalance and Growing Social Pressures
In China Dating Crisis, an alarming gender imbalance has left over 30 million more men than women searching for love — a situation deeply rooted in the country’s decades-long one-child policy and traditional preference for sons. As millions of single men struggle to find partners, unique solutions such as dating camps have emerged to help bridge the widening romantic divide.
A new documentary, The Dating Game, directed by Violet Du Feng, offers a rare, intimate look into the lives of young Chinese men attending a week-long dating bootcamp in the bustling city of Chongqing. The film follows dating coach Hao and his three clients—Li (24), Wu (27), and Zhou (36)—as they navigate their insecurities, societal pressures, and the modern Chinese dating scene.
The Aftermath of the One-Child Policy
Introduced in 1980 to curb population growth, China’s one-child policy inadvertently led to widespread gender-selective abortions, abandoned female infants, and a now-massive gender disparity. Although the policy ended in 2016, its long-term effects are deeply felt by today’s generation of working-class men, many from poor, rural backgrounds.
“Most of my clients are from the working class — they’re the least likely to find wives,” explains coach Hao, who has trained over 3,000 men. Marriage remains a crucial marker of success in Chinese society, especially for men, and the inability to marry can carry significant social stigma and mental strain China Dating Crisis.
Coaching Methods: Confidence or Controversy?
Throughout the camp, Hao gives his clients makeovers, teaches online flirting techniques, and even scripts carefully curated profiles to help them appear more desirable. One controversial method involves the “push and pull” tactic—giving compliments, then light insults, followed by humor to create playful tension.
However, some participants question the ethical boundaries of these strategies. “I feel guilty deceiving others,” says Zhou, expressing discomfort with the exaggerated versions of themselves promoted online.
Hao’s wife, also a dating coach, openly questions some of his methods. Yet Hao remains focused on boosting his clients’ confidence, insisting, “Once you like yourself, it’s easier to get girls to like you.”
The Cost of Dating
Beyond the emotional challenges, dating proves financially draining for many Chinese men. Zhou laments spending half his monthly income of $600 on a single date, including matchmakers, gifts, and clothing. “In the end, our fate is determined by society,” he sighs.
Virtual Boyfriends: A Growing Trend
As many women turn away from real-life dating due to high emotional and financial costs, the popularity of virtual boyfriends is on the rise. Over 10 million women in China play online dating games, preferring these digital companions who are “understanding, undemanding, and perfect.”
“Long work hours, competitive environments, and entrenched gender roles contribute to this trend,” says Dr Zheng Mu from the National University of Singapore. For many women, virtual boyfriends fulfill romantic fantasies without the exhausting demands of real relationships.
The Emotional Cost of Social Expectations
The film also delves into the strained relationships these men often have with their families, further amplifying their emotional challenges. According to Du Feng, “This generation of surplus men is often defined as failures because of their economic status. Marriage becomes another marker of success.”
A Universal Tale of Loneliness
While the documentary focuses on China’s unique demographic crisis, Du Feng believes the core message is universal. “My film is about how we live in this epidemic of loneliness, with all of us trying to find connections,” she says. Ultimately, The Dating Game becomes a story not just about dating, but about self-discovery, resilience, and hope amidst adversity.
“For them, it’s more about finding themselves and finding someone to pat their shoulders, saying, ‘I see you, and there’s a way you can make it,’” Du Feng adds.
The Dating Game: UK Release
The Dating Game is scheduled for limited release in UK cinemas this autumn, offering audiences a rare glimpse into one of China’s most pressing social dilemmas — and the universal quest for love and belonging.
